Life Lessons

This post was spurred on by my closest friends upsetting me, which they do a lot less often than they used to, but they still do it from time to time. In this particular instance, I got over it in 10 minutes. I looked at what they did, stored it in my memory bank of other things they've done, and adjusted my assessment of what type of person they are and my expectations of them. That's it...no drama, no drawn out hard feelings, no big discussions, just keeping it simple and stress free...bc that's how I like to live now. This way of living is very different from how I used to be 5+ years ago...which brings me to my main point: I'm growing up! Yay me! In the process of growing up I've learned some valuable life lessons about people and about myself that allow me to function with minimal stress n drama n bullshittery today...here are some of the most important ones:

People will ultimately do what they want

Basically people are constantly motivated by their own selfish desires. This is not me being pessimistic, its just real. People usually seek out your company, not because they think you might want to spend time with them, but because they want to spend time with you. People begin and end relationships not because they want to ensure your happiness...but because they want to pursue their own. The list can go on and on because that's just generally how we treat each other. It's not necessarily wrong, it's just how we survive. We have to make sure our own needs are met because in most instances we are not put in a position where other people will do this for us. On the flip side I have no problem postponing my desires for someone who's proven they're worth the investment...and most people are able to do this as well.

I am not as perfect as I thought I was

I've always known I wasn't perfect, but I did have a hard time seeing when I was really wrong. I'm stubborn and I believe in myself...what can I say? ::kanye shrug:: But seriously, I believe a huge part in being able to become a better person is realizing who you really are (the good and bad) and figuring out what positive changes you want to and CAN make about yourself. Everybody has negative traits that are just a part of them and in a weird way contribute to what make them great. So learn what to embrace and what you might want to improve upon. There's nothing like something knocking you down to the bottom to make you figure out what it takes to get to to the top (Thank you Alma Mater ::insert bbm sarcastic face here::)

The world is cyclical and connected

I'm a firm believer that life always tries to achieve some sort of balance. For example, if some awful thing happened to you there just might be some major lesson to learn from it or future joy it might bring that you just can't see yet. If you're unbelievably blessed with opportunity, that might be a sign that you're meant to pay it forward to other people. When you think you've lost something, that might just be an opportunity to allow for something new. This also goes for all of our advances as a society. For everything we gain, something is lost...I think we just find that out too late in most cases. Maybe its just the nerd in me because in algebra...whatever you do on one side of the equal sign...you must do on the other.

Of course there are loads more, but that's it for now.

~ Peace Love & Chocolate

Where Did the Quality Go?

Kudos to anyone that can find him

No really...where did all of the good music go? Did it go into hiding? Is it playing a game? Because if you are good music...it's okay to come out now.

I'm spending tonight chilling and doing one of my favorite things in world...listening to good 90's R&B. The 90s...when Auto Tune didn't run rampant and groups weren't necessarily successful due to their sex appeal...but they were successful because they could sing and their lyrics were deep and creative. Groups like Dru Hill, New Edition, Boyz II Men, Jagged Edge, Blackstreet, and 112 just to name a few had actual quality and you could listen to their songs with your mom without watching her raise an eyebrow. People sang about being in love and making love, not pimping and f*ckin. Artists were more creative and thoughtful about their lyrics but still mad the message very clear.

Is it that the masses just really don't want music like this anymore, or is the machine stuffing what they want us to hear down our throats on the radio so much that we grow to like it? I feel like I hear Rude Boy about 20 times a day honestly...hot catchy song, but I promise you no one will be listening to it 10 years from now. We exist in a time of disposability and not sustainabilty. Shout out to the artists since '02 still trying to stand for something.

Really feeling this Erykah Badu album btw. I want a window seat...except I wouldn't mind some company ;-)

~ Peace Love & Chocolate

pop LOCK and drop it

So after a long time of careful consideration I have decided to go natural again...yay! The last time I was natural was roughly 3 years ago(fb friends can check out the Little Afro that Could album) after I had braids in for so long that I neglected to perm it. I miss the fluffiness, the strength, the versatility, and just over all embracing the hair I was born with. I also dislike having to put chemicals on my scalp every 6 weeks that break the natural bonds of my hair follicles that may leave me scared if it stays on for too long. I might consider locking it or doing sisterlocks, still don't know at this point. You can do so many different things to hair that I consider it to be another exciting change. My inspiration is Toni Morrison...this woman has beautiful grey locks down to her arse. One day my great grand children will swing from my wonderful locks while I twirl my hubbies grey locked up beard. lol

~ Peace Love & Chocolate

Yin & Yang

Things that make me wanna kick baby dolphins:

- Facebook

- Dumbasses with authority

- The wind

- Men

- Getting up early on the weekends

- DISAPPOINTMENT

- Paying for bad drinks at the club

- Having my scalp burned by the creamy crack

- Avoidable drama

- Being too broke to function properly

Things that make me smile:

- Chocolate

- Small furry animals

- Good poetry

- Neo Soul

- Funny people

- Men

- Meeting goals

- Clubbing with no coat check

- Sunshine

- The beach

- Family

- Friends

- The sound of raindrops against my window

- Feeling important and appreciated

Tis the Season

As the warm weather approaches my soul is truly filled with joy. Sometimes I wake up and stand outside and just smile because the sun is out and the sky is blue. Tis the season for skirts, no more freakin coat checks at the club, and beach eye candy. However, this is also a strategic time for breakups...Yup I said it. This is when people either break up or become seriously boo'd up. The other time of the year when this tends to happen is right before the holidays. These happenings actually have very logical explainations:

Temptation

Two facts of life: Temptation is a bish and with the summer comes all types of nekkedness. When one is done with all that winter cuddling and sees skin and curves that were once hidden beneath layers of down, scarves, and thermals...one begins to rethink their relationship. It's not uncommon for people to choose to free themselves for guilt free conquering and pillaging.

Brokeness

The holidays are a very sweet memorable time...but we all know that they can be expensive as hell ESPECIALLY when you're boo'd up. Nothing makes you re-evaluate your relationship more than when you have to choose between getting your less than stellar boyfriend the expensive ass thing he's always wanted and paying your phone bill so you can BBM your heart out...in other words, you'll be doing the Single Ladies dance.

For all that choose to stick with it...that says something...Go You! Love is a beautiful thing, but freedom is freakin awesome as well. Frolicking in the sun till further notice.

~ Peace Love & Chocolate

Finding a Good Hairdresser

Why is finding a good hairdresser like going on a quest for the holy grail?

Any black woman knows that finding a good, reliable, and decently priced hairdresser is damn hard to find. What I want to know is why the hell does this have to be the case? Why is it that if you find some place relatively cheap the only thing you can count on them to do is burn the sh!t out of your scalp?...and God forbid you were foolish enough to trust them with some scissors. Why is it that we go to Hispanic hairdressers to do our hair? Nothing against Hispanic hairdressers...but their hair is not like mine. My reason for writing this post is that I finally found a good hairdresser that A) Does a great job and B) is decently priced. For all of you still in search of the holy grail out there because you've relocated, you're more broke than before, or your tired of your hairdressers bs, I've got some tips for you:

Ask Around

The next person you see with some fly ass healthy hair, go ahead and ask them where they got it done. When asking always remember to ask the name of the place, town that it's in, phone number(any smart girl should have her hairdressers number saved in her phone), and most importantly THE NAME OF THE SPECIFIC HAIRDRESSER THAT DID HER HAIR

*Not all hairdressers are created equal

One hairdresser in that shop can be a hot ass mess while another can be your savior

...and that's really the best tip I can offer anyone.

Happy Hunting!

~Peace Love & Chocolate

Spidey Sense

Smh at yall

In my dealings with the opposite sex, I've encountered some nonsensical things. This perplexes me because as much as us females claim to be confused by your actions, I have to honestly say the men are straight forward for the most part. It's usually our expectations and false hopes that can lead to miscommunication, tomfoolery, and bullshittery. Usually if you stop for a second and really look at the situation for what it is, instead of what you would like it to be, a dude will be relatively straight forward as to what he's looking for and what he's about. Not to say there aren't some expert con artists out there...but truth is that most people aren't that cleaver. I digress....

What I really wanted to discuss is a guy's Spidey Sense. They have an inexplicable ability to pop up right when you thought you were done with them...kinda like a roach that you thought you killed with Lysol, only to kind that it didn't really die. I once had a dude that I hadn't heard from in weeks blow up my phone like the world was gonna end, right when I was moving onto someone new. Like really dude? How did you know this? How do yall know just the right time to pop up when the end is near? It's just kinda amazing to me.

~ Peace Love & Chocolate